Welcome to Trend Cemetery, a new bi-weekly column where our Senior Editor Taylore Scarabelli tries to make sense of meaningless micro-trends, luxury fashion, and street style in the age of social media. This week, she dishes on Instagram in and out lists, her love of internet fads, and her fashion predictions for 2022. 

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Yesterday I posted an in and out list for 2022 on Instagram. I wanted to get ahead of the meme so I could secure my serotonin boost before the feed was oversaturated. Of course, it was only a few hours before a backlash was brewing, and I could no longer tell which was more cringe: the trend reports or the posts complaining about them. Some accused amatuer forecasters of having “zero taste,” while others thought the forecasts themselves were too short-sighted. “It’s literally a meme” I replied to one commenter, who said I would have to update my list daily in 2022. Duh. All I do is make content about trends. 

It’s ironic that a meme format that has to do with trend forecasting had one of the shortest lifespans I’ve witnessed. But as someone who writes about fashion, I’m not surprised. In the age of social media, and particularly when it comes to style, trends tend to cycle so fast that even naming them feels futile. As I’ve said before, someone, somewhere is always discovering mall goth aesthetics for the first time, and in our filter-bubble mediated world, there’s always a network of like-minded people with similar taste. 

But just because everything is trending all the time doesn’t mean that I’m ready to give up on fads. Whether it’s the great claw clip and light wash denim trend of 2021 (I love basic girls), or the Y2K revival (guaranteed to lose meaning and live on in perpetuity, like 70s hippy aesthetics), I want to know which brands are spearheading it, who’s wearing it, and why. It doesn’t matter to me if some pseudo-intellectual says trends are dead, or if my mother-in-law thinks fashion is vapid. Trends are just stocks for nerdy connoisseurs of style, those who want to have fun cloaking their bodies. So without further ado, here is my meaningless trend report for 2022. 

In:

Twee dresses – You won’t catch me dead in this look but the TikTok trend forecasters are already going off about babydoll dresses and floral prints for spring. 

Big purses – Put away your little Prada re-editions and get creative, Liana Satenstein already killed the motorcycle bag. 

Red lipstick – After what feels like decades of the no makeup-makeup look and it’s nemesis, the Anastasia Beverly Hills bold eyebrow/extra-eyeshadow combo, we’re ready for a classic moment. MAC Ruby Woo, for one, looks good on all skin tones, and is super sexy paired with lashes only. 

Two-piece suits – Now that us 9 to 5 girls don’t have to go to the office anymore, corporate chic has regained its appeal. It’s even hotter on unemployed men. Everyone should dress like they are their own boss in 2022. 

Vintage fur – If the animal already sacrificed itself for fashion why leave it slumped over in a closet somewhere? Used fur is chic, cheap, and better for the environment than its faux alternative. I rest my case. 

Wedge heels – As much as it pains me to say this kitten heels have been on the outs for a while now, as has wearing Pleasers to the club. Wedges are cozy like kitten heels and give you height like stripper shoes. Grannies, rejoice! 

Out:

Claw clips – As a lazy millennial I understand the appeal but as it turns out french twists are more glamorous and just as easy to pull off, I learned how to do them on TikTok!

Kelly green – I thought this trend would die as soon as I walked past Zara looking like an Irish Pub on Saint Patrick’s Day. Yet here we are…

Virtual sneakers – I don’t know about you but there’s no space for flaming running shoes in my fashion fantasy. More on NFT looks to come. 

Faux fur – It’s literally plastic and so bad for the environment. Some high fashion brands make it cute but if I see one more cropped microfiber coat I’ll scream.

Vibram soles – Literally every brand is using them, and yet no one is wearing their Prada boots hiking. If I was shopping for utility purposes, I would just buy the original, non-luxury version. 

Leg warmers – Another trend that died before it could get its *cough* legs. They’re called boots, girls.