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Photo by Megan Walschlager. Art Direction by Chris Correa. Hair by John Novotny. Corset & Skirt by The Blonds. Bag by Balenciaga.
This is What You Missed Last Month (According To Linux), in which nightlife it girl Linux takes us behind the velvet rope and into the VIP section of Scene City. Through her extreme (sometimes exaggerated) lens, Linux gives the tea on what really happened at every party-of-the-century that floods your Instagram feeds. This September, follow Linux on her journey to the most celebrity-filled parties that carried NYFW this year. (A note from the author: donât take what she says too seriouslyâsheâs just a club kid after all!).
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Fashion Week, open-bar week, four-outfit-changes-per-day weekâ whatever you want to call it, yes, it should be a federal holiday, and yes, it is a sport. Twice a year, the stars who canât handle New York City year-round fly in from LAX to take over the clubs and bars that we locals call home. During this time, all of our carefully built up clout goes out the window. Remember the bouncer at Ph.D. who always lets you skip the line? When Rihannaâs in town, he doesnât know you anymore. What about your best friend, that DJ who always puts you on his list? Not this timeâ he has to do something for Jeremy Scott, so donât expect a response. This year, I managed to snag invites to some of the most major parties of the month, and if I donât run my mouth about them, did they even happen? So, prepare yourselvesâthereâs going to be a lot of name-droppingâand remember, readers: itâs not personal, itâs just fashion week!
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September 7: Christian Siriano After Party @ Tao
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Christine Quinn, Leah McSweeney, Christian Sirano, and Alicia Silverstone party at at Tao. Photo by Leandro Justen.
In the many years Iâve lived in New York, I wear the fact that Iâve never once been to Tao as a badge of honor. What kind of a club charges $10,000 for a bottle of Veuve just to send it out with plastic champagne flutes? On the first day of New York Fashion Week, Christian Sirianoâthe most prominent small man in the New York fashion sceneâ popped my Tao cherry with his showâs afterparty at the Chelsea hotspot. Typically, you go to Tao to watch Scott Disick flirt with 19-year-olds, but thankfully Siriano brought a different kind of celebrity to the table. I arrived with Slayyyter and Aquariaâ we helped ourselves to the open bar, before I stormed Selling Sunsetâs Christine Quinn, talked to RHONYâs Leah McSweeney about crystal meth and dealing with haters, and drunkenly emailed Slayyyterâs unreleased song to the DJ to force an impromptu performance. Finally, at 2 AM, Christian Siriano arrived, and we all danced to top 40 songs until the bar closed. On my way out, I dropped a champagne flute on the sidewalk, and it didnât break! Now I know why theyâre plastic.
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September 10: Christian Cowan After Party @ The Stranger
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Tinashe performing at Christian Cowanâs after party at The Stranger. Photo by Vincent Perella.
Of all the things that happened on Fashion Week Friday, the Christian Cowan after party at The Stranger really stands out. After hundreds of fashion shows and at least as many outfit changes, nothing felt more comforting than being surrounded by a swarm of famous YouTubers-who-no-longer-post-on-YouTube. Gigi Gorgeous finally remembered my name! Bretman Rock is so hot! I touched Nikita Dragunâs shoulder and said hi, prompting her to immediately scream at her bodyguard, âWhat did I say? Nobodyâs allowed to touch me!â At midnight, Tinashe lipsyncâd to her song, â2 On.â It was major! By 1AM, the open bar ran out of vodka and tequila, forcing us to drink an ungodly number of whiskey cokes. While I was ordering my fifteenth, I looked around the room and realized all the famous people were missing. I saw a bouncer guarding a door by the bathrooms, and immediately knew that behind him was the VIP-VIP. I scammed a wristband from Christian Cowanâs PR guy and snuck past the security guard. Inside, I found the YouTubers I had been searching for, but there was one fatal flaw of the VIP-VIP: no music was playing. My adderall had kicked in, and I was not about to let this iconic opportunity go to waste. I plugged my phone in and played Tinasheâs âParty Favors,â thinking she would be happy about it (she immediately left). Everyone else followed, leaving only me and Christian Cowan. Thanks for the invite Christian, now can you please text me back so I can return these clothes to you?
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September 11: Ladyland @ Brooklyn Mirage
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Ladyfag introduces Christina Aguilera at Ladyland. Photo by Serichai Traipoom.
After being postponed countless times because of COVID restrictions, LadyfagâNew Yorkâs most iconic mother-to-beâwas finally able to host the third rendition of everyoneâs favorite gay festival, Ladyland. On her birthday, and smack in the middle of Fashion Week, Ladyfag shook the town by filling the Brooklyn Mirage with thousands, and thousands, and thousands of people. It was certainly a nightlife family affairâ Skin did a set in a giant warehouse nearby, while Aquaria DJed on another stage outside. In the center of Kingâs Hall, New Orleans drag wrestling troupe, Choke Hole, did two wrestling performances. Round one featured a sexy double-D cup queen named Jassy Biz and a bug-thing named Raid. Round two featured Brooklyn drag queen Ruby Fox and yours truly. Can you believe it? I wrestled my best friend in front of hundreds of people. In the end, Ruby won the gold. After the wrestling show, we ran to the main stage to see Caroline Polachekâwho was sensationalâopen for the eveningâs headliner, Christina Aguilera. Yes! For an hour, Xtina performed our favorite aughts-era hits. It was the best festival Iâve ever been to, hands down. Ladyland was worth the wait!
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September 12: Interviewâs Official VMAâs After Party @ 1OAK
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Madonna and Doja Cat at Interview Magazineâs VMAâs after party. Photo by Interview.
After being snubbed by Interview at the last party they threw at Nordstrom, I finally landed an invite from Mel Ottenberg to the magazineâs VMA after party at 1OAK on Sunday. Well, he didnât invite me, this other girl at Interview did, but OMGâ I finally felt like part of the family! My honest review of the party? It was awesomeâ it easily wins this monthâs FOMO Award. Doja Cat, who hosted the VMAs earlier that night, hosted the party. I knew the door was going to be fucking impossible, so I got there at 8PM. I was gabbing with Geordon Nicol, of Misshapes, about Madonnaâs new documentary when Madonna herself suddenly arrived! Wearing sunglasses over a veil, the Queen of Pop settled herself at her table while a swarm of photographers captured the moment. I didnât want to stare, so I turned to look at the other end of the room, only to lock eyes with the Music Video of the Year winner, Lil Nas X. I elbowed Aquaria and said, âOmg, thatâs Lil Nas X. Donât you know him? Can we go say hello?â She agreed (perks of having a famous best friend!), and we walked up to LNXâs table. I wanted to tell him how iconic he was and congratulate him on his win, but even though I was standing in front of his table I was completely invisible to himâ I think heâs heard enough of that for a lifetime. After my introduction flopped, we gave up and went back to Melâs table to replace our paper straws, which had become soggy and unusable after a few sips. I stayed until 3AM, and on my way out I ran into Doja Cat on the dance floor, vogueing with her friends while the DJ played âWAP.â After failing to get her attention as well, I noticed the fresh bottle of vodka at her table. I made a cocktail for myself, but before I could drink it, her friend took the glass out of my hand, smiled at me, and said, âYou can leave now.â My heart sank, and I was like, âItâs open bar, girl. Itâs fine!â The friend smiled rudely to me and repeated herself: âLike I said, you can leave now.â I set my drink downâ maybe Dojaâs rude friend was actually the universe speaking to me. It was time to leave. I smiled at my bully and decided to head out. MadonnaâŠDoja CatâŠLil Nas XâŠoh my!
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September 13: Official Met Gala After Party @ Boom Boom RoomÂ
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Billie Eilish at the Met Gala After Party. Photo by Neil Rasmus / BFA.
Whoâs idea was it to schedule NYFW, the VMAs, and the Met Gala all in the same week? I need to speak to someone in the scheduling department! Just kidding, we all know I wasnât invited to the actual Met Gala, but I was invited to the after-parties! Out of all of them, I was the happiest with the party at Boom Boom Room. As with most of these celebrity parties, itâs best to get there early. Donât worry, itâs not embarrassing to be the first one to arrive. Itâs better to secure access and hide in the bathroom for an hour than to be trapped in a mosh-pit outside begging to enter. Of course, Evan Mock was the first person I saw once I walked in, adjusting his Thom Browne latex mask so he could drink his cocktail. Mazurbate was DJing, and sporting a fresh haircut and fitted tuxedo. I went to get a glass of champagne because thatâs what youâre supposed to drink at events like these, when someone behind me complimented the Mugler suit I was wearing. I turned around, and it was TimothĂ©e Chalamet. Chalamet, who I was surprised to learn is taller than me, was also wearing all white. We gagged for a second about how we were matching, before someone came over and swept him away to the other side of the room. I joined my friend, the model Jacob Bixenman, and Troye Sivanâs manager, who were enjoying the sliders that were being passed around the room. I told them how happy I was to finally meet some people from L.A. who actually eat meat. Thatâs when all the stars started arriving. I had a front row seat as Madison Beer, Olivia Rodrigo, Billie Eilish, and everyone else Iâve been binge-watching on Netflix this summer trailed into the rooftop bar. On my way to get another glass of champagne, a girl complimented my white eyelinerâ I thanked and keep walking, until my friend whispered, âWhy did you just walk away? Bitch, that was Lorde!â I turned back around to try to save the moment, but she was already gone. Iâm not usually one to get starstruck, but after a week of little sleep, I was having trouble tricking a roomful of A-list celebrities into thinking that weâd met before. After a while, I managed to find my friend Kim Petrasâ a star I actually knowâ and took fame-shelter at her side. I ended the night on the dance floor with Symone, Troye Sivan, and Kacey Musgraves. By 3 AM, the room was emptying, so I shared the elevator with the House of Avalon and headed home to my long-awaited slumber.Â
Seeing New York City restored to its full glamour this month was extraordinary. Watching the bartenders Iâve known for years pour drinks for Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid was surreal. But surrealism aside, Iâd be lying if I said I wasnât ready for things to go back to normal. Thereâs a reason we all choose to live in New York, and not Hollywood. Having said that, I should confess that Iâm writing this from the pool at Dumbo House, and my Aperol spritz just arrived. Everybody enjoy the last moments of summer, and get your Halloween looks in order. Iâll see you in October.