Photo by Megan Walschlager. Art Direction by Chris Correa. Styled by Airik Prince. Dress and Hat by Christian Cowan. Harnesses by Nasty Pig.

This is What You Missed Last Month (According To Linux), in which nightlife it girl Linux takes us behind the velvet rope and into the VIP section of Scene City. Linux gives the tea on what really happened at every party-of-the-century that floods your Instagram feeds. This October, follow Linux as she embraces New York’s favorite season: Halloween. (And don’t take what she says too seriously—she’s just a club kid after all!).

Boo! Did I scare you? For the first time since 2019, New York City finally got a proper Halloween moment. In 2020, we could only wear our costumes at seated events or raves in the woods, but we couldn’t post our looks for fear of getting cancelled. Of course, Halloween in 2021 wasn’t fully “back,” since New York’s quintessential All Hallows Eve staples are still on hiatus. MoMA PS1’s iconic Halloween Ball for one thing, typically thrown by Susanne Bartsch, is now a distant memory. Model-turned-costume-queen Heidi Klum says she doesn’t feel “safe” enough to bring back her celebrity-filled annual Halloween party. Sigh. I was so looking forward to seeing her at Lavo dressed as Shrek’s girlfriend!

Lucky for us, Heidi was the only celeb who stayed home this season. Every warehouse, nightclub, and penthouse was filled with New Yorkers eager to show off their slutty essential worker costumes.  Naturally, I was at every single bash (I even managed to be in a few places at once). I can’t wait to tell you what happened at them — or, at least, what I remember!

Hot Models party at Somewhere Nowhere. Photo by Taj Howe.

October 26 — One Management Halloween Party

The New York-based modeling agency threw a Halloween party 6 days before actual Halloween — and it was one for the books! (Get it? Books? Because they’re an agency?). On a brand new Chelsea rooftop called Somewhere Nowhere, hundreds of models gathered to guzzle down booze and talk shit about the designers that hire them, all while taking in views of the Manhattan skyline. The chairman of the agency, sporting a full tuxedo, sat at a VIP table overlooking all the sample size models that make his money. They almost didn’t let me in when I got there, because my name wasn’t on the guest list. I had to point out to them that  my name wasn’t on the list was because it was on the flyer! Cara Delevingne and I spoke for a brief moment — at least, I think it was her… she’s a model, right? 

Matt McMahon and Harry Charlesworth as JFK and Anna Nicole Smith at Dead Celebs. Photo by Megan Walschlager.

October 29 — Muscle Memory: Dead Celebs @ Knockdown Center

Of course, the only Halloween party anybody could remember this year was my own! On Halloween Friday, 2,000 people Ubered to Brooklyn and invaded Knockdown Center for my new party, Muscle Memory. The theme was Dead Celebs, so everyone arrived dressed as their favorite celebrity who’s no longer living. Carry Natiion, Volvox, and Fashion Labeija hit the decks over a foggy dance floor crowded with Amy Whinehouses, Elvis Presleys, and dead Glee Characters. One of my favorite looks was a shot up JFK. The venue was filled with palm trees, which added to the Hollywood vibe (I fear like the fog machines may have killed them, though!) Dead Celebs easily wins this month’s FOMO Award, since the only icons who weren’t there were the deceased stars we were all dressed as! The next Muscle Memory is happening this New Years Eve. You’re welcome New York!

Kim Petras performing at Webster Hall. Photo by Serichai Traipoom.

October 30 — Devil’s Playground @ Webster Hall

Webster Hall’s resident producer Ty Sunderland sold out the 4 story venue for his Saturday Halloween party. The theme? Gay Halloween. (Witty!) Gay Spidermen, gay Harry Potters, and gay angels. Basically, just add a harness to just any classic costume. I was a gay Ronald McDonald. At 1:30am, a brunette Kim Petras surprised us by performing five songs off her acclaimed Halloween album, Turn Off the Lights. She ended the show by drowning in blood onstage. The gays in the front row were also in the splash zone. The night ended with “Last Dance” playing on the speakers while Ty made out with a tatted hottie on the lit-up dancefloor. Trick or treat!

Susanne Bartsch and Lola Von Rox at Boom. Photo by Vincenzo Dimino.

October 31 — Boom @ Boom Boom Room + Le Bain

After a full week of Halloween parties held on every day BUT Halloween, New York’s partiers summoned the last of their serotonin to join Susanne Bartsch for Boom, her Halloween party at the top of the Standard Hotel. After a full summer of Susanne’s Tuesday nights on the 16th floor, it was a perfect way to spend Halloween. I knew it was going to be packed, because I got there early and saw that the hotel brought out the barricades. (The last time this happened was at the Met Gala in September, and Madonna’s party in June). On the microphone, Bartsch — dressed as a bug — screamed “this grand piano seems really expensive, let’s fuck it up!” So, the burlesque star (and Dita Von Teese bestie) Dirty Martini took her clothes off on top of it. 

When I first started this column in the summer, I continued to tell myself, “There’s no way next month will be better than this one!” But as time passes, the parties just keep getting better. While these were the best parties, they definitely weren’t the only ones. Every night this Halloween season, the city was crowded with several thousand-people events overflowing with energy. For a holiday celebrating the dead, New York City is more alive than ever.